By: The Onion
Source: The Onion
Education Secretary Arne Duncan has decided to switch up the school's curriculum. He has made the decision to replace the K-12 curriculum to one whole standardized test for any student, age, gender, or race; to take the same exact test and then that test would determine what grade you would be. "According to government officials, the four-hour-long Universal Education Assessment will be used in every public school across the country, will contain identical questions for every student based on material appropriate for kindergarten through 12th grade, and will permanently take the place of more traditional methods such as classroom instruction and homework assignments" (The Onion 1). “By administering one uniform test to our nation’s 50 million students, we can ensure that every child is evaluated by the exact same standard, regardless of background, age, or grade level,” said Education Secretary Arne Duncan, explaining that students will be able to take the test at any time between age 5 and 18. “It’s absolutely crucial for us to know where our kids stand, and eliminating the teaching model will provide us with the most affordable and efficient means of measuring student proficiency.” (The Onion 1) “There is no better way to ensure consistency in America’s schools, Duncan added"(The Onion 1). The teachers would also be accountable to how this test plays out. According to what the score the child gets is, that is how the teacher will get paid. The test will cover anything from the K-12 range and thats how your grade will be determined.
The Onion seems to be using incongruity because of seniors being in the same class as kindergarteners, taking the same exact test! The Onion also was using parody, because they were imitating a certain type of technique, in this case the public school curriculum, and made fun of it and ridiculed it.
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